Finding Gratitude You Didn’t Ask For: Thanksgiving Reflections from Cancer Survivors

Deb Krier 0:00

Care. Hey there lifter uppers. I'm Deb Krier, the co-host of Cancer and Comedy, where our mission is to heal cancer-impacted people through hope and humor, something we like to call turning the grim into a grin. Well, today on cancer and comedy, we're going to talk about the gratitude we didn't ask for. How you can be thankful even when coping with cancer? So now here is the host of our cancer and comedy podcast, Dr. Brad Miller,

Dr. Brad Miller 0:27

Hey, Deb. I am always grateful to be with you and our lifter uppers, because it's a part of what our mission is, is to show appreciation to what we have over kind of what we don't have when you have cancer or other things like that, some adversities in life. Sometimes it's easy to dwell on what you don't have, or the kind of the miserable situation we may find ourselves in, and it's kind of hard sometimes to look for that which is can lift us up. And what we try to do here in cancer and comedy is say, let's take this whole cancer situation, which again, be terrible and devastating and flipping us on it, on its ear. We like to call it moving from the grim of cancer to the grin of a fulfilled life that has meaningfulness. And we're recording this the week of Thanksgiving here in the United States. And so we thought we just talked about some things that we're thankful for. And today, of course, we're thankful for our lifter uppers in our community, and we just hope people will be a part of our community, because part of what we want to do is help people to understand they have something to be thankful for, and we're thankful for them. And so people can always go over to our website, cancer and comedy.com/follow, and be a part of our community as we continue to grow and thrive and support one another, as we deal with and cope with cancer with hope and humor. So Deb, how about a couple of jokes for you that you know you've heard of Turkey jokes and you may have heard of of chicken jokes, but how about a couple of chicken and turkey together jokes? Are you ready for that? Oh, I'm ready. Well, these are kind of got a Thanksgiving theme too. I'm here. Why did the farm, why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey? I don't know. He sensed foul play.

Deb Krier 2:13

Cute, cute.

Dr. Brad Miller 2:15

That's, you know, that's why. Because the chicken and the turkey got it to a fight. And, you know, guess what happened? Yikes, Turkey got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Deb Krier 2:25

So, you know, I can always tell when you've been around your

Dr. Brad Miller 2:31

granddaughters, that's true, that's true, that's true.

Deb Krier 2:35

Well, following our conversation, you definitely want to stick around, because we do have another one of Dr Brad's bad jokes of the day. But then, of course, we get very serious with the very important " It or Break It segment. Well, as mentioned, we would love for you to be part of the cancer and comedy community, where together we crush cancer with a message of how to cope with hope and humor. Please follow cancer and comedy at cancer and comedy.com/follow

Dr. Brad Miller 3:04

Well, Deb, as we mentioned, we're recording this the week of Thanksgiving 2025, and I was fortunate to spend some time with some of my family this past weekend, and then I'm looking forward to spending some time with other parts of my family for on Thanksgiving Day and on the day after Thanksgiving. And so I know you have some family affairs as well, but I thought it might be appropriate if we chat with our lifter uppers or cancer and comedy community about some of the things that you and I are thankful for or have some gratitude about, in regards to how we deal with this whole situation we find ourselves in? You know, we deal with the reality of cancer. We deal with the reality of some, you know, tragic event in life or or some, something that we need to overcome adversity to overcome. You know, sometimes we use cancer as a metaphor, not only for the physical fact of cancer. You breast cancer survivor, myself, a prostate cancer survivor, and but we also deal with things like depression and divorce and debt and things like that, death and grief and so on. But we think that there's a place for us to, as we've said here, to find gratitude, even if we don't ask for it. You know, it's kind of the theme of our talk, of our conversation here today. So let's kind of begin there with with you in your life. And let's go back and forth a little bit some things we may be grateful for, even in these kind of unusual circumstances that we have. So how about you? What's something you're grateful for, even though you may not have asked for it?

Deb Krier 4:32

Well, I think the biggest thing, and this is very weird to say, but I am grateful that I had cancer because of who it brought into my life, right? You know, I would have never met you for this and, you know, and it just brought so many absolutely wonderful people into my life, and and I'm very blessed by that.

Dr. Brad Miller 4:53

Well, that is awesome. I'm grateful for perspectives in the family. And what I mean by that is I've been thinking about this a lot since I have gathered with some of my family this past weekend, looking forward to gathering to others this next weekend. And one, one of the things that happened in my family gathering this past weekend, it was announced there's a new baby coming to the family next next June, and that's new life and things. But there, I know there was also people there who, there was a about in this gathering of about 25 people. There was one person who was in her late 80s, and about four people in their mid 70s, and a couple of those people of very, you know, severe health problems. And you know, the reality is, they may not be here next year for next Thanksgiving or so on. There's no it's no guarantee or any of us. But I was just noticing what I mean by perspective. There was about five or six little kids, all girls, by the way, all about six of them between the ages of about two and seven, running around, running around like crazy, yelling, screaming, doing what little girls do, and just having fun and giggling and so on. And I just thought, this is just a lot of life here. And it gave me a perspective as I observed the whole situation, there's life, there's life and family, there's things here to be thankful for and to appreciate it in the moment. So I'll just say that perspective on family. How about you? It's something else for you.

Deb Krier 6:23

Well, you know, it's been interesting. Like I was saying, Who has stepped up? And, you know, there, I lost people during this journey. They, for whatever reason, could not deal with it. And you know that happens, but so many people stepped up and and did things. And I think one of the funny things that happened, and I tell people this, you know, as a way to support is bring food, right? You know, because it's we get we don't always want to cook, we don't know what to cook. We're sick. I mean, all those things. And so a great way to support people is to bring food. Yes, and I had several people who brought food. They actually brought me food in the hospital, which I thought was pretty funny, but they brought me food in the hospital and here at the house. Now, the really funny thing, I couldn't eat any of it I see, or, you know, prohibited because of what I was going through and all of those. Now, my husband thought it was the greatest

Dr. Brad Miller 7:17

thing in the world, so he benefited from your situation.

Deb Krier 7:20

Did he did, you know, and, and, and I just, I thought that was so it was still such a treasured moment when they did that, because just the fact that they were thinking about me was was absolutely wonderful.

Dr. Brad Miller 7:35

Well, that's awesome. Thank you for sharing that, and how those people came into your life. And I'll share a couple things from the perspective of health and the body. I happened to meet with my own family doctor just a few days ago or last week, and I was just thinking about my family doctor. and I We love to chat about basketball. He's a Indiana Pacers team doctor, besides being my doctor. So we always chat about the Indiana Pacers, and they had a good season last year, but they had a rough time this year. But we always had pacers lost, oh, their whole team in the industry, pretty much, but anyhow, made it to the final game last year, so it was good. But anyhow, we talk about that. But I also reminded every time I meet with him, is he's the guy who first flagged my cancer about four years ago, and he sent me to the urologist specialist, and he flagged it, and he saved my life. He did because, you know, he did save, I know. And we enjoy being with each other, talk basketball, things like that, but we also talk about my health and what I need to do. And it's always, every time I leave it, he's got, you gotta lose 20 pounds Miller, you know. Okay, Doc, yeah, there's that, you know. So I go through that and, and I know he's right, of course, but I also have that perspective of him kind of say about so I'm thankful for medical professionals and what they can do. And I have a good rapport with my urologist as well, and, and he's keeps talking about maybe being a guest on our podcast someday. I hope that we can do that, but, but, you know, just saying, I'm just thankful for the medical profession and how there could these are real people doing real stuff. There's not some AI, robotic thing, you know, it is real people who can have rapport with you. And that varies from time to time. But I'm thankful for the medical people, and the people kind of get it right, and that way, not only in their professionalism, but in their personalism. So to say, say that,

Deb Krier 9:28

right, right, you know. And along those same lines. Now, I've been at this for 10 years, you know, and and so, you know, it has caused some some things. But the thing with my medical team is so many of them have become like a second family? Yeah, you know they when, when my oncology nurse lost her son, I knew, you know they, they know about my dogs. They know what my husband does. They, you know, they knew when I lost my mother. And we also, you know, laughing and joke, you know, and, and it's funny, because when I am in, you know how. Treatment. I mean, I know where to go, like I said, been there for 10 years. I know where to go to get water and all of that, and, and people always look at me like, you know, the other other patients, like, how long

have you I

know, you know, and, and, but, yeah, they really do, in many cases, become our second family. And I make sure that I tell them how much I love them and how much I am grateful for

them, yeah, and I think it's so important they need to hear that. They need to be affirmed to that. And it's good when they affirm us, when we're doing okay, too, because that's one of the things by both my dogs do. They both affirm, you know, you're doing these things right. You need to improve in these areas, and that this type of, type of stuff. So yeah, that kind of reminds me of the my Docs and my equity is getting there Right. Reminds me I'm thankful for other people in my life who kind of got it right in terms of how they treat me and how they've taught me how to treat other people, that is being available and being appropriate in their availability, how to celebrate life and to do some good things there. And my, you know, the it's from friends to family to colleagues who've reached out and things of that nature. My three adult children, my two grandchildren, all seem to they got a lot more right than wrong. And how they treat that, how they treated me. And I just, you know, sometimes it's about cracking a joke, and sometimes it's about just being listening, and sometimes it's letting me vent things of that nature, and more people get it right than wrong, and because sometimes I tend to sometimes dwell on those unpleasant experiences, and it's important just to be thankful for the pleasant experiences, Right, right?

You know, I think one of the things that I've also learned on this journey is perspective, you know, that really, you know, are we worrying about things that either we can't make any changes, like the world situation, right, you know, or just small things, you know, and and, you know, it's kind of, you know, don't sweat the small stuff, as my mom used to say, and you and, and, you know, it's funny because I catch myself, you know, if somebody's whining, complaining, right about something that I feel is not, you know, one of the now, it's, you know, everybody's individual, right? But yeah. And I will find myself thinking, really, you're worried about that. I have cancer. Yeah, I don't say it. I do not say it, because that would really be

bad, but that's, that's what you're thinking. And, yeah, oh, yeah,

you know. And, but, but it also, you know, there are things where 10 years ago, I would have gotten very upset about that. Now it's like, Really, okay, whatever you know, and, and because, yeah, I think we do get perspective as we go along this journey.

I think that's perspective is so key. I love that. Thank you for sharing that one. Another one I would just share is about, I guess I'll just call it creative focus. What I mean by that is, you know, I, I actually was, I was diagnosed with my cancer just a month after I retired from ministry. I was kind of looking for kind of what's next in my life, that kind of stuff. And suddenly I had to focus on this and end up having surgery and other things that went along with that, the recovery process and so on, which is, I had to focus on that for a while, but I certainly had a perspective on what's next. I had an open ended sense about what's next when I was approaching retirement, and then when this came along, the cancer thing, that gave me a kind of a creative focus, okay, I want to lean into this. I want to lean into this. And especially when I thought about the lean into this of the kind of the three strands of my life that came together, my ministry experience, and I got a doctoral degree in transformational leadership. And I like comedy. I like being around people who like to laugh and like to make me laugh. And that's when I first, when I first heard you laugh a few years ago, is when I knew there's a person I want to get to know. So there you go. There you go. When I heard you laugh and be able to make a light of your circumstance. I love that about you and but my point is it kind of focused. My creative energy is my creative fuel, as it were, towards doing this podcast. I've been doing some speaking about this topic of therapeutic humor, working on a book and hopefully some courses and things like that to be helpful to people. Put together our website, cancerandcomedy.com. I know you have your own website, try not to die. Dot live, and your Facebook page about that. I just found myself being more creative and focused in this area, and I'm thankful for

that, right, right. You know, one of the things, and I've always been like this, but I think even more so now, and some of it is doing, in part to you, is really to realize how important laughter and humor is. You know, I try and make my medical team laugh anytime I can. And you. And I also do things like, you know, when they say, What's your name and date of birth, Anastasia beaver housing, and, you know, and, and they, you know, and they've decided in the infusion room that it's Princess, Oh, right. And so one must the princess wave. And the funny thing is, you know, when I get there, you know, there's usually other patients. They're back there the infusion room, has conceded about 20 people, and they'll say princess, and everybody kind of looks like what?

Speaker 2 15:30

And of course, so you make your grand entrance, of course

I do, and then I make a grand exit too, right? But, yeah, how can we make ourselves and other people laugh? And sometimes it might be a little inappropriate, but that's okay. That's okay. I you know, we, and there are, excuse me, there are definitely times where we are very serious, but yeah, how can we laugh through this journey? Yeah?

Well, it kind of gives you a little sense of the laughter that can come with it, even dark humor, sometimes that can kind of be a part of that process. But I would say another thing I'm thankful for is how small pleasures, you know, just pay attention to them, they're amplified. And, you know, my wife made chocolate chip cookies yesterday, and just smelling them baking, and then having some of them just was just good. You know, just appreciate, appreciate that, you know, that was a good thing. And then, you know, and then I watch my two granddaughters both laugh and fight each other. You know, I'm just, I just feel like I'm privileged sometimes to watch them both laugh and fight about, especially what I guess I'll be selfish here. I say I like it when they fight over me, you know, they, you know, like it when they fight over my attention, or whatever, that, that kind of stuff, but, but I just appreciate that so much, and just have moments when I just, you know, get even get a little misty, just thinking about it, but also in their presence. And they don't, you know, they don't get it, of course. But I just had those, those moments that are just kind of, I find great pleasure in that. I find that my moments of living so

Right, right, you know, and those small moments, I think we definitely get a better understanding and appreciation for, you know, because we're all you know. We're told, be grateful, write down your gratitude all of these things. And we're thinking about, you know, what are the earth shattering things, right? I am really grateful. I for my new puppy. I mean, you know, he's just silly as can be. And you cannot be sad when you are around, right? And you and so, what are the small things? You know, did you see a flower today? Did you not get cut off in traffic? Or it when you got cut off in traffic? Did you not swear at them? So, yeah, just find those small things. Because sometimes you know that might be all you've got that day, but they add up, right and and then you can look back and go, Yeah, it really wasn't as bad as I thought.

Yeah, you told your puppy everything. Somebody, I heard somebody, something effective. They call that the cold nose effect. When you get that cold nose that you know poke you, comes up in your hand or your face or whatever, the cold nose just kind of gives you that kind of thing going on. One of the things I'm thankful for and grateful for, Deb, it has to do with what we've done here in cancer and comedy. I know what you do when you're surviving, not the die dot Live community, and that is our community of other people who are who are coping with cancer or other bad things in their life. We've been fortunate to have people who've contacted us and we're developing our own community or cancer and comedy, reached out and are appreciative what we're doing here, and we appreciate them. And I know that you have a lot of that going on your Facebook page and other places. So you've got your interpersonal, you got your family community, and you've got your friends and so on. But we got a wider community. There's a lot of people around the world who need this to connect up to, and we've had our share of people who've connected up to what we're doing. And I just want to say a word of gratitude to our lifter uppers. That's what we like to call our community here, because we're all in this together to try to lift one another up. And I just want to say how much I appreciate our lifter uppers who are out there. And I just look for good things as we continue to build our community, to help one another, not only with information and kind of things, like what we're doing here, but to just be, truly, be present in people's lives. Right?

You know, one of our former guests reached out on our Facebook, on my Facebook page today with with a humorous post. You'll hear it at Thanksgiving. We've heard about turduckens right where it's a turkey and a duck and oh

yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

She posted a picture today of the pi torguana. So it's an iguana being eaten by a gator being eaten by a pie. Fun. And she said, you only get it if you're in Florida. And right, you know, just oh my gosh, yeah, yeah, our community just continues to build and support each other and and I just love that well.

And I just think that is the perspective of what we sometimes called, and this is kind of a little bit of a churchy term, a little bit, but not, not really. It's the word is serendipity. And the serendipity is just simply, you know, things, those unexpected pleasures that come, you know, those unexpected moments, serendipitous moments. And, you know, could be something stupid that happens. It could be that Facebook post that somebody means be it could be the appreciation of a life well, well lived. You know, my I have a son who's in his 30s who's really get getting he's going through a higher education process, but he's really learning how to enjoy reading now more than ever had he always struggled through school, and now he's loving reading. He's asking me about books I've read and get that's Poe. I just get a thrill out of that. And so and those moments when some you know, I was, when I recently I do a Santa Claus thing on during Christmas time, I was getting ready for that. I was doing a photo shoot at a local museum where they had a big Christmas decorations and sleigh and so anyways, in my Santa outfit, getting ready to prepare and doing this photo shoot there, and this lady stopped me to talk about how she loves Santa. She's about my age, and she she loves Santa's Little girl, but she also loved that her grandpa or somebody played Santa. So she had to tell me, she had to tell you all about that. And with it, just made me feel good that that little thing made somebody good. So I just caught with serendipitous moments that we could just pay appreciate, appreciate too. And sometimes that happens during the cancer community too. Well, somebody will share a story, you know, about how cancer impacted them, or how they had some sort of a story to tell about it, about a person or about their situation. Those moments that I think are good,

right, you know, and I think we need to, you know, embrace those moments. Sometimes we get so busy, you know, flitting through our day, that we forget to kind of stop and find out what's going on with somebody else you know, and and to give them the chance to share their their time.

Well, let me just bring it around to this kind of just a couple closing thoughts. Just, I'm really thankful, not only for our lifter upper community here in cancer comedy, I'm thankful for you and your attitude. You know, a lot of people even now don't realize how dramatic and life threatening and altering your cancer story is much more dramatic than mine. I'll just put it that way, and I've heard some pretty dramatic stories in my life. As a pastor, I've gone through a lot of people, many people, but you know, I be honest with you, Deb, you know your situation of going through stage four cancer multiple times and major surgeries and near death experiences and so on is pretty dramatic, and there you are with a smile on your face and a good story to tell and encouragement to others. So so I'd say thank thank God for Deb crear and what you've offered to our cancer comedy community, and for what's next, for what is to come, because I see good things to come for a cancer comedy community, and you're a big part of that, right?

Well, and I thank you for this opportunity, you know, to be able to reach folks and remind them that, you know, sometimes we really do need a little bit of humor. So along that line, we do have another one of Dr Brad's bad jokes of the day.